She had to tell him. Today. She couldn’t chicken out this time. It was over, they both knew it. She couldn’t keep living like this. She wanted out.
They sat in the car at the railroad crossing, delayed by the train. Car after car passed. Monotony. She suddenly noticed the couplers, holding the cars together securely but with enough give that each could adjust to the turns of the track. What if the coupler broke? Massive derailment? Or easy separation, two cars moving slowly apart on the rails?
She was about to find out.
Deep breath.
“We need to talk.”
[100 words]
This was written for Friday Fictioneers – hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields – a weekly photo prompt and a story in 100 words or less.
Photo credit: Jennifer Pendergast
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Dear Annie,
I thought this was a perfect representation of the emotions felt by someone approaching that pivotal moment on the tracks of life. A seamless and slick story. Good job.
Aloha,
Doug
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Thanks 🙂 It was hard for me to convey it in 100 words so I am glad to hear that you liked it.
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Very keen story. Will it be gentle or a total derailment? You have me wondering. I so love your name!
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Thank you 🙂 I love your name too! As far as the story, I don’t think it will go well. Those situations rarely do.
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I hope it’s a smooth break. I like how you compared the train to her relationship. Nicely done!
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Thank you!
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I love the link between breaking up and the couplers failing. You set the scene beautifully, both sitting there, not sure what to say and putting off saying it, latching onto every little distraction…
Those four little words – “We need to talk” always make my blood run cold 🙂
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Thanks 🙂 Yes those are the four little words no one likes to hear.
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Now that is brilliant. Loved it.
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Thank you 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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I love the way this is both a metaphor AND a real story.
A lot of clever touches like that one word sentence – Monotony.
Good story. Left me thinking about the choices we make.
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I am so glad that you liked it and found it thought-provoking. That’s what I was aiming for. Thanks for reading and commenting 🙂
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I love the way your story flows, Amie. You make the link between the couplers and two people on the verge of breaking up extremely well. Very well written. 🙂
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Thank you 🙂
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There is so much buried in those words “we need to talk”.. and who could tell what will happen. What a great metaphor you have used.
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Thank you 🙂
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That was a sensitive portrayal of one of life’s less appealing moments. It’s no wonder we put it off, time and time again.
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Thank you. Yes it is often easier to delay that confrontation.
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Great read. I really enjoyed it!
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Thanks 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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Well done. I enjoyed the comparison of the coupling/uncoupling to a relationship.
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Thank you 🙂
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Great story. I like how you mirrored her thoughts about her life with the fleeting moment of the train. ‘Monotony’. Brilliant stuff!!!
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Thank you!
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Dear Amie, This is a wonderful story and the “coupling” of the train and their relationship is a wonderful idea! Really great – thanks! Nan 🙂
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Thank you! I’m glad you liked it!
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Dear Amie,
I’m a procrastinator myself, particularly when it comes to something unpleasant to confront. Wonderful use of metaphor.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thank you 🙂 I am a procrastinator also.
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Clever metaphor.
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Thanks 🙂
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It’s been said above, but the monotony of the trains, one carriage after another, riding together on the fixed line… great representation of the troubled (doomed) relationship. Nice work.
Cheers
KT
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Thank you 🙂
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The deep breath’ said it all. Nice one!
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Thanks!
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Good use of the prompt. Perfect tangential association and good portrayal of a relationship heading for a separation.
Be well,
Tracey
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Nice write …!!! 😎
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Thank you!
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