Floating

6216022223_965cc9e81a_z BW

Sometimes I swim with motivation and purpose.

It may be a leisurely or playful swim, diving down and kicking like a dolphin. It can even be rhythmic and graceful, my muscles in perfect synchronization with my brain. I have energy and feel a connection to my surroundings.

It may be an intense swim, powerful bursts of movement propelling me urgently towards a goal. Ragged breath and flailing limbs, this is often far less graceful. It is draining but my focus is singular. I fight through and block out the fatigue and aching muscles.

Sometimes I cannot find motivation or purpose. I cannot find the energy to care about anything. All I can do is let go and float.

I have been doing a lot of floating lately.

Days go by. They turn into weeks, then months. Everything blurs. The exhaustion lingers and I just conserve as much energy as possible. The more I let go, the less I care. Apathy builds. I float both physically and mentally.

Adrift.

 

photo credit: Brookpeterson

 

 

 

Weekend Rewind 3/6/16

weekendrewindrevised

It’s time for Weekend Rewind – my weekly casual post to chat and catch up. No prompts, no rules – anything goes.

Let’s get random…

Two signs that the weather is getting warmer in my little world: 1) my garage door doesn’t stick in the morning and 2) my seat warmers don’t come on automatically

We have a two-car garage. The opener on my side is ancient and in desperate need of replacement. When it is below a certain temperature (about 32 by my estimation) and I hit the button to open the door, it opens about 3 inches and stops. Then I have to hit the button again and the door closes and reopens. If it is super cold, the mechanism may stick twice – requiring three button pushes. So my kids and I have jokingly referring to days as one-push days (warm), two-push days (cold) and the dreaded three-push days (so cold you might as well go back to bed). I can’t tell you how glad I am to see the start of one-push season. (Sidenote: The opener on my husband’s side is newer. The light works when you open the door and the mechanism doesn’t stick. It’s paradise on that side. He keeps offering to switch sides with me. I refuse because I used to use that side. There is a tree at the edge of the driveway on that side and you have to back around it when you exit the garage. If you back straight out you will hit it – I know this because I have hit that damn tree twice. So I stay on the other side of the garage with an opener with no light that sticks in the cold weather.)

I bought my current car last October (after I totaled my other car). Given the mild start to our winter, it was sometime in January before I noticed that the driver’s seat warmer comes on automatically when you start the car if the outside temperature is low (again somewhere in the low to mid-30s). The first time I was a little alarmed because I couldn’t figure out why my bottom was getting so warm! Then I saw the little icon on my touch screen and when it repeated the next morning I figured it out (I am not a morning person, my brain moves slowly before 8am).

Last week was a stressful week for me. Things are not resolved so I don’t feel right divulging the details at the moment… but it has to do with a certain church (that I don’t even belong to) and it’s stance against a certain youth group with which I am heavily involved. I hate confrontation but I hate injustice even more. When kids are involved, the mama bear instinct tends to come out in full force. So while I wanted to avoid the whole mess, I just couldn’t. Have you ever been thrust into the middle of a dilemma that just seems wrong on so many levels? Have you ever just wanted to go to the people in charge and shake them and give them a piece of your mind? Make them see that the only ones they are hurting are the ones they say they are trying to protect? My instinct is to fight but I know deep down that it will be useless. I feel so powerless.

On a brighter note, tonight is our annual Girl Scout banquet. All of the troops in our town (service unit) attend. There is a catered dinner and leader recognition and most importantly, girl recognition. The troops perform skits and things get all kinds of silly. This year’s theme is Scouting Around the World. Each troop was to pick a country and plan their table decorations and skit around that country. Our troop picked Egypt. The whole reason is because we wanted to do a skit with Walk Like an Egyptian (for my younger readers: Bangles, 1980’s – you must youtube it). Skit is set in a museum and the mummies and Egyptian statues come to life and dance to the iconic pop song. The girls are totally into it and have worked really hard on it. I can’t wait, it is going to be epic.

I went to a party on Saturday and actually had a good time. My husband made me go because he wants to be couple friends with his coworker and her husband. To say that I did not want to attend this party would be a gross understatement. I tried to think of every excuse known to man to get out of it. Introverts, you understand me. Luckily, everything went well. I feel like an elementary schooler that deserves a ribbon: “I played nice with others!” or “I was social today!”

Have a good week, everyone!

Longing

Today’s daily prompt: Longing

img_20160131_152507.jpg

On this cold, dark day of my winter

I long to stand on the waterfront of my youth

with the sun warming my skin

and the breeze blowing my hair.

I long to cast stones with the carelessness of those earlier days

and let them skim across the water.

How I long to watch their ripples once again

through the eyes of innocence.

*********************************************************************

A/N: Kind of fitting for today – my 42nd birthday! Not that I am in my “winter,” but you know how folks can get sentimental when they turn a year older.

Also fitting: that beautiful young lady in the photo is my daughter. My mini-me in many ways, I love to see things anew through her eyes.

For those of you who missed Weekend Rewind last weekend, I apologize. Life has been distracting me this week but I should return this weekend.