#DSFWeeklyRewind… 10/29/17


How can it almost be November?? Where has this year gone? We are dangerously close to Christmas and *gasp* 2018! Let’s rewind the week…

I’ve been freaking out all week about the quick passage of time because my board certification expires 12/31. We have to renew every 5 years. I need to make up a boatload of CEU’s to recertify by 12/31. This means that I need to go online and pay an arm and a leg to download educational content, read and take quizzes, and earn said boatload of CEU’s. As usual, I have procrastinated. Also, I don’t exactly have piles of spare time laying around to devote to this.

Work this week has been surprisingly good. I caught up on my patient letters and I had a *very* productive day Friday packing my office. I actually got all of my drawers and storage cabinets packed. Friday, 11/3, is our last day in the office and all I will have to do that day is pack my desk. I am feeling a huge weight lifted regarding the office move.

Last weekend, I took a trip with the hubby and the kids to a mall in the city. We had a great time, of course. In the car, we were listening to playlists on spotify… mostly the kids’ pop music. Then hubby wanted to hear Stairway to Heaven. Then we fell down the rabbit hole and started playing the Beatles, Pink Floyd, etc. We ended with a variety of hair band stuff. Hubby and I were singing – loudly – and recalling great memories. We were transported to younger days and easier times. Music, sometimes, is magic.

My podcast obsession this week has been Lore (by Aaron Mahnke). Between my morning and afternoon commute, I get to binge about 6-7 episodes a day. If you love creepy stories and want to learn more about the historical events behind today’s folklore, check out Lore. It does not disappoint.

Friday night I did a food drive with the girl scouts. The girls dress in their Halloween costumes and go to local grocery stores to “trick or treat” for customers to donate food items. We also get a lot of people that just give us cash. We donate everything to the local food pantries. We do this every year and it is a wonderful program. I emphasize teaching the girls service to others and giving back to the community. Now, you put a large group of young girls together and add Halloween costumes and things get… chaotic. They have so much energy. And enthusiasm. I love it even if it is a bit… tiring.

This week I am thankful for time. Time with my family to just be goofy and enjoy life. Time in my car alone (even though I curse my commute often) to listen to music/stories that fill my brain and reenergize my soul. Time with my kids, molding and shaping them into good people who will grow up and do amazing things in this world. I know their young years will go lightening fast, I have to enjoy the time while I have it.

Join us at #DSFWeeklyRewind. This is a way for us to connect and rewind through our week (our “playlist,” if you will), reflect, and express gratitude. Connect with others at this week’s linkup. Everyone is welcome!



Musical Marker: Song of the Summer

Daily Post: Musical Marker – We all have songs that remind us of specific periods and events in our lives. Twenty years from now, which song will remind you of the summer of 2014?


“Sing” by Ed Sheeran

Why? Because it makes me dance and he is an adorable, awkward little British ginger and I’d love to carry him around in my pocket. The song is just light and breezy, like summer.

And if you want to see him as a drunk puppet, watch the video.



My phone chimed, signaling a text. It was Josh.  I had been putting him off for over a week. I might as well get it over with. I texted him back and told him he could come over.

I walked down the hall and stopped at the last door on the left. A weight settled over me. I took a deep breath and then another. With a heavy sigh, I pushed the door open and entered Nick’s room.

Nick had called it his “music cave,” where he played and wrote music. Sometimes his band would come over and jam in there. After he died, I had spent very little time in that room. I avoided it to be honest. The memories were too much, the wounds were too fresh. The room was just too… him. He had spent so much time holed up in there with his guitar that you could almost still feel his creative spirit.

The guitar. It was right where he left it, in its case leaning against the wall. It had been Nick’s prized possession. He had been teaching me to play it but I hadn’t touched it since his death. When Josh asked me if he could buy it, my first instinct was to jump at the chance to get rid of it. Maybe I needed to get rid of all of these things. Try to start moving on. The thought of that seemed overwhelming. Cleaning out, moving on… well, that was a finality that I wasn’t ready for.

I ran my fingers over the case, remembering the feel of it. I gently laid it on the floor, popped the hinges and opened it. It really was a beautiful guitar. He bought it because it was the best, even though it took him a long time to save enough money for it. I was shocked when he let me use it during our lessons. But he offered it willingly and he was quite patient as I struggled through the frets and chords. Always patient. Patient, loving hands that would cover mine and guide them along the strings.

I closed the case quickly. Too many memories. Too much pain.

I went to his desk, thinking he had some picks in a drawer that  I could give to Josh. His desk was a mess. There were papers and notes everywhere. I opened a drawer and began to rummage. No picks. I opened the second drawer and stopped short. I pulled my hand back as if it had been struck. I may have stopped breathing for a beat. In the second drawer was his writing notebook. It was full of pages and pages of song lyrics that he had been working on. He had taken that thing with him everywhere. It had been like an extension of him. Seeing it laying there was like a punch in the gut. Next to the notebook, was a small box. The box was full of paper. I realized that they were all notes that I had written to him over the years, back before everything was email or text. Little handwritten notes. We used to leave them all over the house for each other. Some were just a simple “I love you” and others were full-page pledges of love and devotion and hopes for the future. He had folded up nearly every damn one of them and crammed them in the little box. As I pulled them out I could tell that they were weathered, that they had been folded and unfolded many times. Oh my God. Overcome, I broke down and sobbed uncontrollably.

The doorbell rang. Josh. Dazed, I shuffled to the door. I hadn’t seen him in a while. He was a little thinner but he still had his gorgeous long hair. His face was a little drawn, his eyes were sad. His eyes widened a little when he saw me and I realized that I must look like a hot mess… wet, puffy eyes and still clutching the little box of notes like it was made of gold. He took a step toward me and embraced me tightly. He rubbed my back and held me. I cried even harder.  He murmured in my ear, “I miss him too.”

We stood like that for several minutes. He finally released me and I wiped my face with my hand in an unsuccessful attempt to pull myself together. He was on the verge of tears too.

“Sooooooo,” he said, letting out a heavy sigh, “I’m guessing that you aren’t going to sell me that guitar today.” His voice was light and teasing, trying to lighten the mood.

I smiled but I doubt it reached my eyes. “Josh, I just don’t think I can.”

He nodded. “Its okay. I thought as much.” He studied me for a second. “Can I see it?”

“Sure.” I stepped aside and he entered the foyer. I shut the door behind him. He was already headed down the hallway and toward Nick’s room. He had spent a lot of hours in that room, too – working on music and the occasional night sleeping on the couch after a big fight with Angie.

He stopped when he entered the room. He looked at me and I could tell he was also having a hard time keeping his emotions in check. The air in the room was so heavy, as if the memories hung there like a mist.

He went over to the guitar and ran his fingers down its length. “May I?”

“Go ahead.”

He sat down with it and began strumming chords, tuning it as he went. It was nice to see it in the hands of a skilled musician again. He began to play random songs. We sang. We talked. We shared memories. At least an hour went by. He finally laid the guitar back in its case and ran his hands through his hair. The music had calmed him but he still seemed like a burdened man.

I went to the desk and pulled out the writing notebook and handed it to him. “Here. I’d like you to have this.”

He looked at me like I was giving him the keys to the kingdom. “Are you sure? Don’t you want it?”

I gave him a sad smile. “No, I think you should take it. He’s got a lot of stuff in there. Maybe you could work out some songs. He’d want you to have it.”

He hugged it to his chest and stood up. “Thanks.” He found my gaze and held it. “Really, thank you.”

“Thank you for coming by. It was nice to hear music in this room again. And it was nice to see you. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own grief that I forget that other people loved him too… that they are grieving him too.”

He hugged me again. “Any time,” he said with a smile. “And when you decide to pick up where you left off with those guitar lessons, call me, okay?”


As we reached the front door, he studied me for a moment and said, “Oh yeah… Angie was asking about you. She was thinking of having a girls’ night, just the two of you. Would you be up for that?” I saw hope in his eyes, trying to nudge me back into the social circle from which I had withdrawn.

I breathed out a sigh. “Yeah. That sounds good actually. Tell her to call or text me.”

He gave me a big smile and turned and left, hugging the notebook to his chest the whole way.

Girl, Put Your Records On…



Music is often the fuel that drives me. Music can connect us and inspire us. It can liberate us. Songs have the ability to unearth long-buried memories. Songs are emotion put to music. They make us feel a certain way. In fact, sometimes I love a song for reasons that I can’t put my finger on other than the way it makes me feel. Lyrics can sometimes speak directly to our hearts and imprint themselves on our souls. Songs can make us laugh or cry. Everyone has a life soundtrack. Think about it… often our most significant life events are tied to music. Let’s take a listen to my soundtrack…

Track One: Grow Old With Me by the incomparable John Lennon

We sat on the bedroom floor of my apartment, CDs scattered around us. I had my wedding planner open on my lap, taking notes and scratching things off of lists. He gave me an exasperated look and told me to just pick a song. I was taking this too seriously. No, it has to be just right. This will be our first dance as a married couple and we will remember it for the rest of our lives. It has to be perfect. I consulted the list and popped in the next song. As I played it, we listened – really listened- to the lyrics. He took my hand and I saw his eyes soften and yes, he teared up. We both knew we had found THE ONE. The lyrics speak of commitment, promise, future, growing old together and facing life’s challenges together. It spoke to both of us. We ultimately went with the Mary Chapin Carpenter version. At our wedding reception, my husband cried as we danced to this song. To this day, he still cries when he hears this song.

Track Two: You Are My Sunshine

Somewhere in the fog that was the early days after my first daughter was born, I remember waking in the middle of the night and hearing my husband’s voice coming from the nursery. I groggily stumbled out of the bed and into the hall. I looked into the nursery and saw him holding her, rocking in the rocking chair. He was singing to her in a soft voice, almost a whisper. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away. It was a heartwarming sight watching that big, tough man cradling and singing to such a small infant with so much love. That became his go-to song with both of our daughters. I heard that song so many times during their childhood. That was the song he sang when they couldn’t sleep or when they were sick or when they were afraid of monsters under the bed. I take comfort in knowing that when they are adults they will hear that song and think of their dad.

Track Three: I’m Yours by The Script

The Script is one of my favorite bands and I love their lead singer’s voice. But there is some kind of magic in this song that goes beyond that. The first time I heard it, I cried. It is lyrically beautiful – raw and honest emotion. I still cry when I hear it. It just speaks to me, knocks on the door of my heart. Maybe its because it reminds me that we all have bruises and scars. We are all bent and broken.  Sometimes the path we take through life is crooked and complicated. But we all deserve love. And true love – love that accepts us as we are – will let us overcome. Love is salvation.


Girl, put your records on, tell me your favorite song. Just go ahead, let your hair down.

What songs are on your life soundtrack?


Credits: Girl, Put Your Records On written by Corinne Bailey Rae, John Beck and Steve Chrisanthou

You Are My Sunshine: credited songwriters Jimmie Davis, Charles Mitchell; original writers may have been the Rice Brothers, who sold the rights to Davis.

Photo by adamr at freedigitalphotos.net



Day 3 prompt: Write about the three most important songs in your life. What do they mean to you? Twist: Form a daily writing habit – 15 minutes of uninterrupted writing.