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In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Places.”

 

He turned his head to look at her.  She was radiant, bathed in moonlight.  Her long, wavy hair was fanned out on the blanket beneath her.  She laid next to him,  quiet and still, gazing at the stars.  His eyes ghosted over her silhouette, overwhelmed by her beauty.  She looked innocent and fragile, but he knew better.  She was intelligent, strong and courageous and she had become a grounding force in his life.  She was his sustenance and he needed her like his lungs needed air.

As he had many times before, he wondered how he had come to this place.  With all of the things that he had done, he did not feel like he deserved her attention, let alone her love.  Yet, against all odds, they were here.

She turned her head and he found himself staring into those familiar blue eyes.  He searched them as if the answers to the universe could be found there.  For him, they could be.  All he ever needed to know was right there in front of him.   He was sure of it.

She smiled and touched his face. “You look lost in thought. What are you thinking about?” She asked.

While he had much on his mind, being in this moment with her quieted all of the noise.  Nothing else mattered.

“You. Always you,” he said.

Rolling on his side, he reached out and placed his hand on the gentle swell of her stomach.  He could feel the growing life within and it gave him hope.  He knew not what was to come but he felt a peace settle over him.  He realized that this place, however he came to be there, was home.

 

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A/N: OK, so I linked this to a daily prompt (a few days late, of course) but this is actually a small piece of a much larger project that I’m working on.  I didn’t have much time to edit, so I  know it’s not perfect (nothing ever is, right?). Feedback is welcomed.

 

 

 

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8 thoughts on “Home

  1. Hi Amie! What kind of feedback do you want? It’s hard for me to give good feedback when I don’t know what I’m reading. Is this a short? Part of a novel? It reads like a romance from this little bit, but of course you can have romance in any type of book. Are you looking on feedback on the style, the characters, the imagery, or something else entirely? Is this the beginning, the middle or the end? I love that you are brave and putting yourself out there and asking for feedback! Give me a little to go on and I’m happy to tell you what I, one lone reader, think.

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    1. Thanks. I know it is short and there’s not much to go on. I’m mostly looking for style and imagery. It’s a novel and I’m still fleshing out the characters and story but this will be toward the end.

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  2. Awesome. That’s helpful. Here goes my attempt at feedback.
    – I think that the style is great for something toward the end of a novel. It reads like you know these characters already and have been on a journey with them.
    – In the first paragraph the sentences are a little choppy and I think if you could turn a couple of the phrases into a complex sentence it would have a better flow. The overall scene is dreamy but the imagery doesn’t read dreamy in that first paragraph.
    – The last paragraph is the best one. The language is pretty formal so I’m assuming these people aren’t in our time. It reads like something either historical or science fiction.
    Hope this helps! Thanks again for sharing and for being brave and asking for feedback!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you! This is what I was looking for. I had some difficulty when writing that first paragraph so your comment doesn’t surprise me. More work needed there. I love the comment about the time/genre because you were pretty spot on. It is so hard to look at my own words objectively so I really appreciate your thoughts 🙂

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